January 28, 2008
Hope everyone had a nice weekend. Mine was rather mundane. And the rain just made it that much more melancholy. I’m wishing I could spark my life up again, much like it was in late 2006 and last year. Alas, I just have to remind myself that the ‘real’ world is back after my four year hiatus.
With this all said, lets start the week off with a good laugh. Don’t ask why I am posting this but I am. All I will say was that I was in the “men’s” restroom last night upon my throne and it all hit me. Have you ever had one of those moments where a thought or thoughts just get you started laughing uncontrollably? Well I did. Those thoughts all sprung from one little word…john (yes, lower case!).
These are those thoughts that ran through my head:
While sitting on the ‘john,’ does your ‘thang’ occasionally go for a slight dunk or swim?
Is the toilet paper hanging with the open end to the outside of the roll or toward the inside (the wall)?
When releasing said “NO. 1,” do you grace the throne by standing before it or sitting upon it?
Is your TP single-ply or cushy two-ply?
This may be TOO MUCH INFO but I just have to ask - one swipe to call it ‘finito’ or multiple?
Do you dwell on the ‘john’ reading the newspaper/magazine or make a quick exit?
Does that moment in the ‘john’ bring a degree of clarity?
Hey…I said you’d get a good laugh out of this post. I know…warped mind at this end. LOL. Now that I have thoroughly embarrassed myself, I might as well take it one step further. My answers:
Oh it swims baby. I have to sit up straight or it’s a dunkin’. LOL
You best have the TP’s end turned toward the inside (the wall) or I’ll do it for you. I can’t stand when it’s on the outside. When it’s on the outside, you invariably go to tug on it and the whole roll seems to come spinning off the spool.
I’d say I’m about a 75/25 person, the greater portion of the time sitting upon thy ‘throne.’ Think it’s always been a male thing in my family growing up, etc.
Give me ‘cushy’ two-ply please. The rump’s deepest pit is tender these days. LOL.
Sorry…it’s got to be clean down there so I suspect you know my answer to the single/multiple question.
If I walk into the ‘john’ with some reading material I am always in the restroom longer than I should be.
Hell yes, the mind wonders quite a bit in the restroom, and some of my best thinking, answers come from there. LOL. And fantasies too! *eg*
So, will some of you make me feel less embarrassed now by taking some initiative to delve into these most thought-provoking questions and answering them?! Have a great week.
January 28, 2008 at 5:21 am
Oh, Tony! Would that mine could swim or dunk! I am insanely jealous! Or is it that the water level is just oo low?
As for over or under, I think we here have a clear case of irreconcilable differences. If you put it toward the wall, I will change it to the other side. It *MUST* be on the outside!
(BTW, you break your eggs from the small or the large side? Big Endian or Little Endian. [a reference to Gulliver's Travels.])
We stand for the Hallelujah Chorus in my family unless we are sitting for additional output.
Yeahss!! Two-ply, baby!
First passes are one swipe only. The end of the job may involve double dipping.
I thought that’s why we refer to it as the “library” in our house. If you want me in and out, don’t post any reading material. Of course, I may just take some in with me, too.
It is the source of inspiration only second to the shower.
Have a great week, Tony! HUGS!
January 28, 2008 at 8:06 am
hohoho
that was an eye opener - and a laugh !
For fascinating reading on this whole matter, i recommend the book “Poop Culture”
I never sit and read - get up and be done as soon as possible. And I am accused of using far too much paper.
I don’t think about much therein; other than medical stuff viz. how are things in the LGI department. I just hope i don’t get preoccupied with it as so many old men do.
January 28, 2008 at 9:52 am
As Jack hates cold water, he hates goes for a swim.
Ah the age old question, the correct answer is… Did the last person put paper on the roll.
Stand during the day, sit at night
Two ply
Cleanliness is next to Godliness
I used to read, however the bathroom has become an art studio, so now, I must get up and paint
Clarity lets me see what step must be taken next in the painting I’m working on
January 28, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Go for a swim? Hell, it’s like being on the high dive up there and he’s afraid to jump.
Over the top
Depends
I’ve never even thought about it
Multiple, surely
I have a stack of books …
It’s my thinktank.
January 28, 2008 at 7:36 pm
You are a nut,
over the top too or it would swim
doesn’t matter to me.
standing
2ply, charmin with aloe
magazines
I zone out.
January 30, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Tony:
I fortunately don’t have to sit that often these days, and the size and shape of my eighty-year-old john prevents any dunks - but that happens to me on a regular model.
I stand up mostly.
I steal - uh, I mean that my toilet paper is DONATED, so it tends to be cheap single ply - but it does come in a giant discus that’s like a foot and a half across.
In my bathroom, you’re likely to find car accessory catalogs, Outdoor Life magazine, and science fiction novels.
Oh, and mostly I try not to think about what I’ve just seen in the bowl when I’m in there!
January 30, 2008 at 6:41 pm
LOL…that’s hilarious…
My boys protect the “thang” from diving, but they often go for a dunk themselves in the basement (toilet water level is high down there) He gets past them every so often
TP’s usually outside because ‘the other’ never refills…LOL
Always stand unless too drunk…
Single ‘wax paper’ right now… cottonelle is the ideal.
usually twice is good (just to be sure)…
I keep the books out or I’d never come out.
Usually starts the day off right (after two cups)…LOL
Thanks for making me laugh so much. You’re great. Hoping all is well.
Peace.
January 31, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Here is something else to contemplate while you are “enthroned.”
http://www.maoxian.com/images/200707/stoolchart.png
February 2, 2008 at 12:15 pm
My ‘thang’ doesn’t dip or swim. *cries uncontrollably*
The TP must come up and over to the front as it dispenses.
I usually stand to pee unless it’s night, then I usually sit because I never turn the light on at night and don’t want to “sprinkle when I tinkle”.
I only use Quilted Northern 2-ply.
I’m usually a 2 wiper.
I’m usually in and out without any hesitation.
February 9, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I’m a novice blogger and just found you. So, I’ll take a crack at answering your questions. Nice site.
February 9, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Hey! get off the can and come out and post an entry! you’ve been in there too long!
February 11, 2008 at 2:23 am
I am late on this but cannot resist answering.
I suspect the john is bigger by design in these parts lol. You would have to be a rather massively impressive man for anything to reach the water surface
Open end away from the wall of course. It is the correct way dammit
Standing or sitting. This would depend on time of day, state of sobreity etc. Either works for me.
Two ply, quilted with Aloe Vera. Its a tender region worth looking after
As many wipes as it takes. It gotta be clean.
It is a great place to read in peace.
Some of my greatest epiphanies have occured in “john time”
Thanks for the laugh Tony.