January 2008


Hope everyone had a nice weekend. Mine was rather mundane. And the rain just made it that much more melancholy. I’m wishing I could spark my life up again, much like it was in late 2006 and last year. Alas, I just have to remind myself that the ‘real’ world is back after my four year hiatus.

With this all said, lets start the week off with a good laugh. Don’t ask why I am posting this but I am. All I will say was that I was in the “men’s” restroom last night upon my throne and it all hit me. Have you ever had one of those moments where a thought or thoughts just get you started laughing uncontrollably? Well I did. Those thoughts all sprung from one little word…john (yes, lower case!).
These are those thoughts that ran through my head:

While sitting on the ‘john,’ does your ‘thang’ occasionally go for a slight dunk or swim?

Is the toilet paper hanging with the open end to the outside of the roll or toward the inside (the wall)?

When releasing said “NO. 1,” do you grace the throne by standing before it or sitting upon it?

Is your TP single-ply or cushy two-ply?

This may be TOO MUCH INFO but I just have to ask – one swipe to call it ‘finito’ or multiple?

Do you dwell on the ‘john’ reading the newspaper/magazine or make a quick exit?

Does that moment in the ‘john’ bring a degree of clarity?

Hey…I said you’d get a good laugh out of this post. I know…warped mind at this end. LOL. Now that I have thoroughly embarrassed myself, I might as well take it one step further. My answers:

Oh it swims baby. I have to sit up straight or it’s a dunkin’. LOL

You best have the TP’s end turned toward the inside (the wall) or I’ll do it for you. I can’t stand when it’s on the outside. When it’s on the outside, you invariably go to tug on it and the whole roll seems to come spinning off the spool.

I’d say I’m about a 75/25 person, the greater portion of the time sitting upon thy ‘throne.’ Think it’s always been a male thing in my family growing up, etc.

Give me ‘cushy’ two-ply please. The rump’s deepest pit is tender these days. LOL.

Sorry…it’s got to be clean down there so I suspect you know my answer to the single/multiple question.

If I walk into the ‘john’ with some reading material I am always in the restroom longer than I should be.

Hell yes, the mind wonders quite a bit in the restroom, and some of my best thinking, answers come from there. LOL. And fantasies too! *eg*

So, will some of you make me feel less embarrassed now by taking some initiative to delve into these most thought-provoking questions and answering them?! Have a great week.

Yes…I’m still alive. Work at the commercial design firm is keeping busy and slowly I’m stepping into this new residential design firm partnership. But I won’t deny the team is still ‘feeling’ its way and may be up against some hurdles already. I have faith we’ll work through those issues.

In any event, I’d like to start this post off with the following questions.

Do you believe that in a successful, long-term gay relationship that there will most likely come a time that one or both of the parties in the partnership will have to sacrifice some component to keep the relationship alive? (Do not confuse sacrifice with compromise as there is a difference.)

Do you feel that in entering a committed long-term gay relationship that there should be: 1) a combining of financial resources as in a heterosexual relationship [let’s set aside the prenuptial issue], 2) a holding onto to ones own financial worth but with a 50/50 split of expenses, or 3) a holding onto ones own financial worth but with expenses split according to ones ability to contribute in the relationship [i.e. one partner having a well-paying job verses the other partner who may be just getting ‘ends meat?’]?

I found myself chatting with a friend on the phone last night about these very topics. I generally don’t get into discussions like this except with those I may have an interest in seeing a relationship develop. I will state this up front…these are my opinions and I am well aware that people may or may not agree with them and/or only agree with parts of my thought-process.

As for the first question, I tend to think that it is a rarity that any person, heterosexual or homosexual, enters into a relationship free of any potential element of sacrifice. Perhaps I should first start by saying that a compromise generally involves concessions by both sides. A sacrifice, often is when a person gives up an element of their life for the betterment of the relationship as a whole. The sacrifice may or may not be known to the other party. And in essence, the party making the sacrifice makes a commitment not to use this means against the other party if the ‘road becomes rocky.’ The sacrifice is given FREELY. Returning to the question at hand, I believe that each partner will ultimately concede to some sacrifice in a relationship. Individuals moving to another state to be with a partner, leaving behind family which has been important in their lives to that point. Individuals redirecting their careers to be with another. The list goes on. I will share this…I so often see a superficiality by some gay individuals on these commitments. They say one thing, perhaps take action, but never get past the short-term. They revert back to thinking of themselves, being selfish.

Then there is my second question pertaining to finances in a gay relationship. I, personally, tend to be old-fashion. Sorry…just being me! I think that if you take the time to really get to know your potential partner (and yes, it may require controlling the initial sexual component of your relationship) and observe the situations you are in with him or her, you obtain a clearer picture of the person. Is it full-proof…hell no! But you sure can reduce your liabilities to some degree.

With some luck and knowing that there are a multitude of components that make for a successful relationship, you’re ready to step into a long-term partnership. When that happens, I would hope that the finance pots would become one. But I am not naive either. My more realistic side would say that one should enter the relationship with the expectation of developing there own personal financial portfolio and contributing to expenses based on their capability to contribute. It could be a percentage of ones income to the gross income or it might be contributing what you were paying out on expenses while living single.

I hope this all makes sense. I could probably go on further with this discussion but I need to get myself working. After all, I do have bills to pay 😉 and men to swoon in attempts to find Mr Right. LMAO!

Have a great week.

I hope everyone came off a decent week from last and had an even better weekend.  I am sure anything would be better than mine.  Just a rough week for me emotionally on all levels (and not merely due to the news of Spider’s stroke).

But it’s a new week! And as Spider reminded me I few nights ago (my mom does the same quite often), I need to take the ‘future’ in itty-bitty baby steps. That’s how he’s coping with his montage of health issues. I have always had a tendency to search far into the future and try to anticipate outcomes, most likely to reduce fear of mishaps, failings, etc. Overwhelming stress and anxiety have been the outcomes, even if the ultimate result was positive.

So I step into Monday with that frame of mind. And I focus on today only. “Lord, keep my mind from wondering to far ahead…please.” I thought I would share the one bright spot in all of my past week, the news that Spider seems to have pulled out of this stroke, by the grace of God, with no major residuals. He has full movement and sensation, and his speech appears fine. Sometimes he talks a little slower as his mind is still trying to process some items of the past. But according to the doctors, this is a typical after-effect and not necessarily of any permanence. He went home (his temporary home in Orlando) from the hospital Thursday evening, two days after the stroke. Spider’s doctors have told him to rest with no major activity for a week or so and told him that if he feels the slightest bit “off,” to high-tail it back to the emergency room P-R-O-N-T-O-! Television and reading are the hot tickets for him at the moment. He was able to get in his previously-scheduled full-body CT scan this past Thursday. That was to assess the status of the cancer. Spider will get those results on Wednesday of this week. Fingers crossed. Guys, it’s just nice to here his voice, and an upbeat one I might say.

Also, for those of you who know Bigg over at MY CONFESSIONS, keep him your thoughts and prayers. These days his struggles aren’t much better than Spider’s.

You all have a great week. Remember…ONE DAY AT A TIME!

So normally this has been a ‘THIS OR THAT’ Thursday post. And normally you have seen me with some more regularity. But somehow these days, the ‘UMPH’ has just not been there. I honestly was going to let this week go by with yet another post-less period. Since the weekend, I have had this feeling within me that my world was about to enter this ‘out-of-sync’ period. I can’t explain why. I just felt it. Would it be personally, professionally, or both?

Have you ever felt this way? Have you seen those feelings become reality? Well it appears to be happening to me to some degree. For the past two to three months, while work has been going fine, I have experienced this void within my personal life. I don’t think some people really understand the connection I make with certain people and why they become such an integral part of my life. Hell, I don’t fully understand sometimes. What I do know, is that its the compassion and genuineness within me that, in part, dictates some of those characteristics. Today I find myself asking, “How much can ones mind, ones body, ones spirit take before ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?” It seems that several people in my life that I care for immensely are struggling with their physical and/or mental health. A few of them have been pushed to limits that I am almost positive I could never endure without some loss of sanity. Their experiences really have given me cause to place my life into perspective. However, emotionally, I am hurting for them. If I were being truthful, I am hurting for myself too.

You may be asking yourself where is all my rather cryptic thought heading here. Remember I mentioned earlier that I felt this week was an ‘out-of’sync’ week for me. This past Tuesday, Spider was back in Orlando for a myriad of tests, to include a full-body CT scan that would determine the status of his colon cancer (post-chemo treatment) and whether it has metastasized to any other part of his body. One of the myriad of tests pertained to scoping his arteries to his heart. See, Spider has been having mild shortness of breath again and feeling exceptionally lethargic. Earlier testing from three weeks ago showed that the lower portion of his heart was not getting sufficient blood. So to the point, Spider went into the hospital Tuesday for the scoping procedure. While undergoing the procedure, he had a moderate stroke. Coincidentally, Spider had informed me during our Monday night phone conversation that he was afraid for the first time since all his health issues began. The stroke left him with some temporary paralysis on his right side but the indication yesterday, Wednesday, was that he had regained function of his faculties, speech and movement, again. At this juncture, I am waiting to hear if the latest news is in fact definitive and if he truly is 100%.

Guys, Spider has so many other issues on the plate that I simply am not choosing to discuss right now.  I find it all overwhelming to see a 48-year old man, only one year older than me, handling so much.  And I know the wear on his body is wearing on his mind, and at times, his spirit.  Please, please keep him in your prayers.  I so want to see him achieve some normalcy back in his life.

Thanks for listening to my ‘blubbering.’

SPIDER, GET WELL…..HUGS!