I thought I’d not touch this blog ever again but somehow I felt compelled to open it up tonight and that was just enough. I couldn’t resist making an entry.
I couldn’t even imagine where to begin. So much has evolved since summer 2008 passed. Of course you all knew about my breakup with Mr. Chicago. I hurt and ached for a couple of months but I learned and grew from that experience. I compromised on so many elements. Mr. Chicago and I are still good friends and communicate once a week. He’ll always be a part of what was special in my life. I was able to tell him that some three weeks after broke things off with me. Sometimes TIMING, amongst other issues, simply doesn’t cooperate in two individual’s lives as was the case for us. In any event, Bear411 has been a good matchmaker for me for meeting and making new friends. And some have turned out to be dates, and two in particular, boyfriends. The latest is Mr. Maryland. He makes me melt in so many ways. He’s a gentle soul, a gentleman, full of faith as I am (that’s Catholic faith boys!!), handsome as all hell, a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh. And boy does his know how to talk “PIGGY” just at the right time! GRRRR! The distance never helps but we are taking it slowly and seeing how things play out. I was out to see him at the New Year and am going back out to catch up with him at Rehoboth Beach in July.
Funny how life throws us unique curveballs. See, if any of you started reading me back in 2006, you know one of my first articles talked about a guy online that hurt me incredibly when all I was looking for a means of making a gay friend. Well turns out that guy is the best friend of Mr. Maryland! Have I shared that with Mr. Maryland? Hell yes…I have nothing to hide. They happen to still be friends but as with all friendships where people move further away geographically, that relationship seems to be strained. Again, funny how things can come full circle.
As for the gay me…my journey continues. But oh how far I have come. About two months ago I said ‘f*ck it’ and told my business partner that I was gay. What response did I in essence get from her? “Tony, I already knew…in fact Tony, several people already know. We were all waiting for your to say something.” LOL Go figure. So know I am out to most people here in southern California where I live. As for family, that remains the one touchy area for me but I am close, close to wanting to say something to my mother (who already asked me two years ago if I thought I was gay – I just wasn’t ready to say yes but responded with a “I wonder sometimes.”) and to one of my sisters who I am really close with. We’ll see. I’d like to have accomplished that well in advance of my 5oth which is in April 2010. I want to be able to celebrate it with both family and FRIENDS, regardless of gay or straight.
While I have mentioned friends, I just want to say I am still very much in touch with SPIDER! Sure my old readers remember him. He has had a rough road these past two years…many ups and downs, emotionally and physically. But he is doing fine and hanging in there. We talk almost daily, sometimes twice. He is and will always be my dearest of friends. How can one let go of someone that was part of me for so long.
And really the last thing which many of my earliest readers may be wondering about…work. I started that business with my school mate finally back in June 2008. Obviously our year anniversary is fast approaching. We have experienced some pains, economically, professionally, etc. but we are moving along with the excitement that was there a year ago. We are in the midst of a design house and our space turned out exceptional I believe. We’ve gotten great feedback from previews and vendors. Now we just need to hope the public reacts and maybe comes to see us for business. I wish I could share my website with you but I am not ready for there to be a connection with this site. This one has been a very personal site and my work will remain professional. Perhaps one day I will simply shut off portions of this blog and maybe pick up writing about my work…one never knows.
SO THERE YOU HAVE THE LATEST AND GREATEST!
I wonder how many people will even see this post that were from my original readership. The blogging world can be a fickle one when someone doesn’t post or manage to bring readership to other linked blogs!
HUGS!
April 25, 2009 at 11:46 pm
YOU ARE BACK !!!
I can not tell you how delighted I am to see you posting. I stop by here all the time, hoping some day you would return. Seeing your post, your face and hearing about your updates made my weekend!!
I do hope this means you are back to stay? (vision of Hello Dolly! here).
I promise to put you back in the blog roll if you put out on a regular basis now.
I am soo thrilled to hear from you !
April 26, 2009 at 12:18 am
Big handsome bro! I’ve been checking this blog regularly and waiting for you to come back online, like Penelope waiting for Odysseus 😉 so now I feel sooo rewarded. GREAT TO SEE YOU BACK – I feel like I’d found a long lost sheep!
Heartfelt congrats on your thriving relationship with the bear believer from Maryland (I do remember his name ;-)! I also met a wonderful bear believer who makes me feel special. Piggy talk between us is great, too – he makes me overcome my boundaries. The distance between us is killing me, though we’re going to be together in early July. Btw, I took your advice about making local friends pretty seriously but, trust me, this place is not California, where you can be yourself! And… yes, I do remember your old post (late spring 2006) about the man whom you met online when you were coming out to yourself and who eventually let you know he doesn’t care about your friendship. Maybe I could relate… hard to say now.
Nothing like friendly communication with your ex. I hope there’s still a good amount of support, deep respect and friendly care between the two of you.
I’ve recently learned how to download a blog on my hard disc, so even if you e delete some portions of “brushstrokes”, I’ll still have them. But please think twice before you link to this blog from your professional site (btw, what’s the address of that?). Maybe it’s not necessary. Coming out should also have its limits – but that’s my opinion. Your friends will always pop in here, anyway. And… it looks like your Mom knows already. If your biz partner knew for herself, your closest family probably do, as well, but they’re very tactful. Anyway, good luck in this conversation, whenever it comes! Needless to say, you’re in my prayers every day – not only with regard to your design house (posting pics of it would be a good idea, btw). So is your Dad and, pretty often, Spider, too.
In this pic you look as lovable as ever. Do go on painting the online picture of your life with colorful brushstrokes. Oops, is this the size of an e-mail? Big bear hug!
April 26, 2009 at 4:34 am
I am so glad to see you posting again! You were part of the “original gang” that got me to start. So many of them have passed into oblivion. I am sorry to hear of your break up, but I was happy to hear of your new MD (as in “state”) fella as well as the response of your business associates. Please given Spider my love and best wishes, in your absence(s), you were not forgotten. HUGS!
May 20, 2017 at 4:16 am
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April 27, 2009 at 5:43 am
He’s baaack! Great to hear from you again. I’m glad that life continues to be a fabulous adventure for you. Also very glad to hear that Spider is well. A big hug to you.
April 27, 2009 at 8:06 am
I’m glad everything is going so well for you, Tony! Thanks for the update, it was great to hear from you.
April 29, 2009 at 3:34 am
Welcome back!
You’ve hit the nail on the head about one of the secrets of coming out–friends and family often know and have known for years and gone right on loving you. When I finally came out, concerned that I might lose some people in the process, I heard the same,”We knew and were waiting for you to tell us” so often that I finally began responding, “Hey, this is a big deal for me, filled with fear and uncertainty–couldn’t you just fake a little surprise to help me along?” 🙂
April 29, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Well… well… well… you took time out of your busy social and work life to write a new blog post! I am very surprised, but delighted!
You have been gone too long my friend. Don’t be a stranger. I look forward to spending some one-on-one time with you in the future.
Since I have been a single man for six weeks, I’ll be traveling places on weekends!
Please do keep in touch.
Thanks for the update. BIG HUG and NIP TUGS!
April 29, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Right. I swung by cuz of Urspo’s mention in his blog. I didn’t realized that you’re still writing! yay! I remember months and months ago how you and Spider were really close, and then he got sick and it was such a strain for you two since you both live quite a distance apart. I’m glad that you mentioned him and he seems to be doing okay. And so are you!
I think it’s been over a year since I read you. How time flies. Not sure if you remember me, but here I am!! Take great care of yourself Tony. Best wishes to you. Always.
April 30, 2009 at 2:22 am
Tony glad to hear you’re back. I found out through Urspo’s blog. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot this past year. Look forward to reading more.
Please tell Spider I said hi…I’ve been thinking of him.
April 30, 2009 at 7:55 am
You seem to be somewhat of a legend, Tony. Although I’ve never read your blog, I have heard of you (not much, but always good). I followed Ur-Spo’s link this time. I hope you continue to post.
April 30, 2009 at 2:44 pm
When my son was a freshman in college, he lived about 350 miles from me. He called one Friday and said that he needed to talk to me and would be home as soon as he could get there. I asked him to just tell me, whatever it was we could work through together…
He told me that he needed to talk to me face to face and then hung up the phone. Of course I worried the entire time he was driving. I called him to beg him to tell me what was going on so many times that he shut his cell phone off.
When he finally arrived, I was a basketcase. He walked in the house and told me to sit down, but I ran to him and started shaking him (he’s 6’4 and I am 5’8…there really wasn’t a lot of shaking going on) and told him to JUST TELL ME!
He stepped back and said, “Mom, I’m gay.” I said, “IS THAT ALL? I thought something was wrong with you!!!”
He laughed and hugged me and told me that my response wasn’t quite what he expected.
I just wanted you to know.
May 1, 2009 at 5:41 am
Welcome back. I stop by your blog daily and today I am thrilled that you are back. Please keep us informed of your going-ons! I love to hear about people’s lives in their blog. Please email me and let’s become friends. I have become friends with several bloggers, although I am not a blogger myself. I’d like for you to get to know me like I have gotten to know you because of your blog. Congrats on the new relationship! – Mark
May 1, 2009 at 5:48 am
Just randomly popped in, can’t beleive you posted!! Glad things are going in the right direction for you. Seems this past year has been a year of change for many of us. I’m here in Western Maryland and go to Rehoboth when I can. Maybe I’ll run into you, never know. Good to here from you. Enjoy life!!!
May 2, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Thanks for the update Tony. I am long overdue to post one myself.
Got to love Bear411. I have met the most amazing friend on that site and he lives down here in South Africa too.
Please send my love and regards to Spidey. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him.
May 20, 2017 at 1:26 am
BohoCatcr,&quet;pareful with that pilum – it was designed to bend on impact…"Were we in meatspace, this is the part of the conversation where I would give you the same look I would if you had, very calmly and patiently, explained to me that two plus two is indeed four.
May 3, 2009 at 7:26 am
see? See? SEE?
you are so missed.
Now – put out some entries !!
May 5, 2009 at 7:14 am
I kept checking and checking since I came out and left MS for LA…glad your still kicking. April 2009 has come and gone for both of us…Happy 49th! I celebrated my 56th with my dogs…the only family that didn’t turn on me when I came out. Take care of yourself and keep writing.
May 18, 2009 at 3:20 pm
You know it’s funny I usually go back and read your stuff every few weeks, cause I miss that ole Tony I grew to know. Seems with time, I feel not as close as we once were, so I guess I try and capture that feeling by reading your old posts. Hope your well and happy today and in the future! Miss you!
May 18, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Spo is right, you are missed!!!! You invited us into your world, please let us know a little more often how life has been treating you. We do care.
May 21, 2009 at 11:50 am
Hey there handsome…you’re looking hot in that photo, but then, you are hot!
Obviously I hadn’t given up on you as you’re still in my blogroll. I’m thrilled you’re posting again and look forward to more. I’ve been wondering how the business was working out for you and finally I know. Keep at it bud, I’m sure things will pick up for you. Who wouldn’t want your handsome mug hanging about the house all day, talking design. That’s a gay man’s wet dream!
Thanks for stopping by my neglected blog…been too busy lately to really write much. I do leave for vacation in a week so I hope to have lots to post about then.
Oh…and I want an invitation to that 50th birthday bash!
May 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I am looking for you on Facebook, but I can’t seem to find you! Surely you’re on there…? Send me an email!
June 2, 2009 at 6:31 am
What a surprise to see 2 new posts! I thought you have abandoned this blog at all! Nice to see you are doing well.
September 7, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Tony – Good to catch up. I’d say you’re doing OK!
Please, tell Spider that I said, “hi.”