‘ME’ Time


Hey you all! How have you been? Life has been busy for me at both ends of the design spectrum – commercial and my own residential venture.  While I may have things to share and or write about, I simply do not have time to blog.  I want you to know that I think about all my blog friends quite frequently.  Each of you gave me something at times over the past three years when I was struggling or in a bit of turmoil.  Thank you all.  The other element these days is that I am working on establishing a more local group of gay friends.  And I am succeeding, in part thanks to BEAR411, LOL.  Let’s just say my head has been spinning these days and I can’t seem to find time to meet with all the people inquiring.  Quite flattering but awkward to me at times.

So in any event, I happen to come across an old peer of mine from my last job before heading off to design school.   I found him on Bear411 of all places.  I had no idea he was gay and partnered.  Well, I sent him a chat message and then received a phone call. A long phone conversation ensued, probably an hour’s worth.  I found out that he and his partner were coming down to Palm Springs this week and I was invited to join them. So this morning early, I head out to PS, a place I haven’t visited in over 17 years.  I am sure I won’t recognize it.  Heading out to meet them at a clothing optional resort.  So yes, I am going to be butt-naked, sunning and swimming at the pool, while subtly taking in the ‘sexy scenery.’  Might be a tad odd to see a former fellow co-worker prancing freely about but at least he’s a tall, hot, hunky, thickly-built guy.  YUM!  OK Tony, he’s a friend, remember that.  LOL.   Expecting we will have a blast getting caught up and laughing about the past.

Spo…I’ll have you know, I am having a rendezvous with JACK on the side.  Don’t you wish?!

Leave word you all with what you have been up to.  Cheers!

Well, after a ball-breaking work week last week, the weekend was much needed. Funny though…you’d think I would have just chilled. No. Instead I was over at my little sis’ house doing touch up painting, hanging pictures, and doing a little design shopping for her. See, we’re trying to get her space in shape for the big family reunion party next weekend. Looks like we are going to have about 150-160 people. Not the original 225 planned for but still a ‘rager’ of a party. So I got through most of the rooms I needed to with respect to touch up. Trying to figure out if I can sneak in my niece’s and nephew’s bedroom touch-up work still.

At one point I took a break from the painting and hanging up of additional family pictures to run to Home Expo with my sister. And of course I went to town with her money buying up a large fake palm for ‘grandma’s’ bedroom, a mirror for the butler’s pantry, and some accessories for the kitchen. Of course I came back and had to put everything in it’s place. Then it was into the laundry room to layout a 8×10 throw rug and place some of the niece’s and nephew’s old school art into floating glass frames. It’s a great way and place to display kid’s art. And it can even be updated.

Do I have you all worked up over an exciting weekend? LMAO!! Yeah right…but hey, it’s my life. I do have something though for Mr. Cajun. I did find time Saturday night to check up on some old friends and even fantasize a bit about big hot beefy muscle bears. In fact, while I was scoping things out over at BigMuscle.com and BigMuscleBears.com (CAUTION – both sites are adult sites) I remembered a dear man who took the time to respond back to me at during a time when I was struggling with being gay. He’s a person I will never forget and one that I stay in touch with intermittently. In particular, I always seem to remember him at this time of year. And it’s purely coincidental when it happens that it is in early October, the month that he celebrates his ‘coming out’ yearly – 13th this year. To top it off, he’s 54. And in my book he’s one of the hottest damn 54 year olds walking the face of the earth. I want his bod at 54. LOL. Who is it…it’s Squatter, #1917, BigMuscle.com. A personal shout out of ‘THANKS Squatter.’

There you have it…my weekend.

22898188.jpgJust sitting here tonight after perusing through some of the “tidbits’ of Blogland and find myself thinking. Is it time to be moving on? Has blogging served it’s purpose? Is the environment the same as it was some seventeen months ago when I started (compassionate v. vindictive, supportive v. adversarial, engaging and thought-provoking v. destructive)? Do people truly, to be blunt as hell, give a sh*t about what I have to say? Is it time to be directing my energies elsewhere? These are just a few of the many questions rolling through my brain at this very moment.

In all honesty, my head is starting to hurt trying to analyze and answer my own questions. And strangely enough, it seems several people have either thought the same way and made their move or are contemplating a similar decision. So it looks like I have a few personal issues to ponder this weekend. Oh what fun…can I just go back to vacationing?! I am being brutally serious and honest guys.

You all have a good weekend. Be safe.

Do you ever find yourself basking in some time frame of the day, feeling at your best, at peace with yourself and with what is transpiring around you?

Not necessarily the easiest of questions because so many components can drive your sensations. I used to think that clearly the early morning hours brought me the most balance in my life. The quiet of the morn, the first rays of sun wasping against my face, the light smell of morning dew. I don’t know any more.

Life has gotten so hectic these days, that one really has to learn to relish and appreciate any moment of the day. I am sure it’s easy to merely think of the early morning or early evening hours as prime time but I also imagine there are those that have found some sense of peace from mid day surroundings. One just has to learn to improvise, and perhaps manipulate the environment to work to your advantage.

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Over the last few years during all my soul searching, I have realized something about me. When I am placed in a country or mountain/lake setting, I find my inner self at its best in the early morning hours. Something about the sun coming up over the horizon, the fading lights of any nearby skyline, the slow peaking chirps of the birds about, the crispness of the air, the shallow crackling sounds of the trees losing their pinecones along with much of what I said in my opening sentence…I can go into this incredible trance-like state. Some of my clearest thoughts and provocations have commenced at this time. It’s often when I hear the beginnings of poems that I write, as simple and or benign as they may be. I only wish I could get half of what crops up in my mind transferred to paper as easily.

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Now, place me at the ocean, especially here on the West Coast or on the western shores of Hawaii…we have a different time of day that lifts this body and mind of mine. Sitting at the ocean or near the coast, watching the sunset, the sky’s palette changing from deeper blue tones high above to vibrant oranges and yellows at the horizon line, the birds’ chirps slowly fading for the evening, the crickets’ symphony coming alive, maybe if I am lucky a light, warm, salty breeze…I’m again at peace. It’s also the time of day that I probably ponder most about what I have or haven’t achieved during the day, over the year, in my lifetime. Funny how it contrasts with those mornings in the mountains where I am at my best. I tend to do more thinking in that scenario about what I have on my agenda for the day or what lies ahead with my future. The evenings also seem to be where I can be the ‘bluest.’

You know…perhaps there is a built-in mindset where mornings are definitely associated with new beginnings and evenings with endings and conclusions. But I know that this does not influence me, at least not consciously.

So what are your thoughts on the question I began this commentary with?

…productive yesterday. NOT!!! I took a ‘Tony‘ day yesterday. A ‘Me, Me, Me‘ day. And I enjoyed every waking minute of nothingness. My body just is feeling drained, and sadly only after 3 weeks of school. It needed some rejuvenation time, if only for 24 hours.

I slithered out of bed in my various state of nakedness (I’ll leave that to your imagination) at about 9am, gathered up my computer to supposedly work on more CAD, pulled together my work out clothes just in case I opted to work out some, and oh, grabbed my new LG EnV cellphone…more on how it plays into the picture momentarily. I was off to my sister’s house to do my work and monitor the various trade construction workers who were working on projects there. The sis was heading off to the doctor’s office. Let’s see…there was a painter, the three closet system installers, and the three ironwork installers. No guys, I wasn’t involved in an orgy but I sure would have liked to have been in a three-way. Two of the iron-workers were nice juicy treats…both Arabic and in their thirties, one tall with a reasonably muscular upper-build, the other a little shorter and stocky. The later had piercing green eyes. I just couldn’t prevent my ‘thang’ from stirring. Alas, they became engrossed in their work, out of my line of sight.

What could I do next? Get started on my CAD obviously. No way. While the eye candy got the testosterone level elevated, and well the ‘thang’ too, I simply was feeling lackadaisical. I said, “Screw it.” Remember that new LG EnV cellphone I mentioned earlier…I took the box out of my computer carrying case, opened all the new packaging, and proceeded to study the manual while I charged the phone for the first time. I then spent the next three to four hours programming my ringtones and my phone settings along with keying in every phone number and address from my old cellphone. I know, I know. Someone out there is saying why didn’t you get them transferred by the store or through some downloadable software. Your forgetting…I am not a computer or electronic techie. And admittedly I had no idea it could be done, though I hear not with all phones. It’s done though, every frickin’ bit of personal information from the old phone is in the new. I am just waiting on the Brother-in-Law to get it activated for me. There is a reason why he has to do it.

I spent the remainder of my time at the house reading email, perusing some blogs, and checking out the ringtones at my carrier’s Internet site. Thankfully the sis treated me to a nice simple meal before I headed on home…see it’s been raining here so caesar chicken salad, grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato bisque soup, and turkey white bean chili hit the spot last night.

The ‘icing’ on this day of nothingness was sitting down in front of the boob tube and watching American Idol. I am such a sucker for this show. And oh, by the way, did I mention those two hunky Arabic iron-workers. Sighhhhh! Well at least I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Now HELL begins today for the next four days. THE PROJECT!