Relationships


Hard to believe this but I am one month shy of it being two years since I wrote my last Tuesday “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?” post.  Man-o-man, where does time go?  But I felt like taking the step one more time into my blogging past…to see what shit I could stir up since I hear my friend, Mr. Cajun, is still managing to do so over at his blog.  Seems he has some troll perusing through the loins hollows of his hall.  LOL!

So without further suspense (drum roll), my question today is:

How do you like to be ‘man’ handled by your hubby or boyfriend after a long tiring day (set the scene: you are both comfy in bed sans clothing of any sort) …

  • DOOR #1 – lying on your stomach, your man hovering over you, massaging those tired shoulders, that aching back, those tight ‘cheeks?’
  • DOOR #2 – laying on your side, his fingers running softly down your arm, onto your side, along you hip…then his hands cupping your ‘cheeks’ and sliding through the ol’ valley?
  • DOOR #3 – your man cupping against you, kissing your earlobe – breathing heavily into it, cuddling, his hand sliding slowly over your hip, gently clenching and softly tugging at your ‘package?’

OK…I am having hot flashes this very moment. Why is my darn man on the other side of the U.S. continent when I need him!!  Heck, they all work for me – oh if you only new.  But alas if I can only pick one,  I’ll take DOOR #2.  Nothing like soft caressing  and a nice hand on the arse to get me unwound!  While you are at that hun, can you just roll me over onto my tummy and finish out that back massage too.  LOL!

Time to share…spill them beans friends!  And if you are so inclined, share a bit as to why  you chose it <eg>.

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I thought I’d not touch this blog ever again but somehow I felt compelled to open it up tonight and that was just enough. I couldn’t resist making an entry.

I couldn’t even imagine where to begin. So much has evolved since summer 2008 passed. Of course you all knew about my breakup with Mr. Chicago. I hurt and ached for a couple of months but I learned and grew from that experience. I compromised on so many elements. Mr. Chicago and I are still good friends and communicate once a week. He’ll always be a part of what was special in my life. I was able to tell him that some three weeks after broke things off with me. Sometimes TIMING, amongst other issues, simply doesn’t img_00711cooperate in two individual’s lives as was the case for us. In any event, Bear411 has been a good matchmaker for me for meeting and making new friends. And some have turned out to be dates, and two in particular, boyfriends. The latest is Mr. Maryland. He makes me melt in so many ways. He’s a gentle soul, a gentleman, full of faith as I am (that’s Catholic faith boys!!), handsome as all hell, a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh. And boy does his know how to talk “PIGGY” just at the right time! GRRRR! The distance never helps but we are taking it slowly and seeing how things play out. I was out to see him at the New Year and am going back out to catch up with him at Rehoboth Beach in July.

Funny how life throws us unique curveballs. See, if any of you started reading me back in 2006, you know one of my first articles talked about a guy online that hurt me incredibly when all I was looking for a means of making a gay friend. Well turns out that guy is the best friend of Mr. Maryland! Have I shared that with Mr. Maryland? Hell yes…I have nothing to hide. They happen to still be friends but as with all friendships where people move further away geographically, that relationship seems to be strained. Again, funny how things can come full circle.

As for the gay me…my journey continues. But oh how far I have come. About two months ago I said ‘f*ck it’ and told my business partner that I was gay. What response did I in essence get from her? “Tony, I already knew…in fact Tony, several people already know. We were all waiting for your to say something.” LOL Go figure. So know I am out to most people here in southern California where I live. As for family, that remains the one touchy area for me but I am close, close to wanting to say something to my mother (who already asked me two years ago if I thought I was gay – I just wasn’t ready to say yes but responded with a “I wonder sometimes.”) and to one of my sisters who I am really close with. We’ll see. I’d like to have accomplished that well in advance of my 5oth which is in April 2010. I want to be able to celebrate it with both family and FRIENDS, regardless of gay or straight.

While I have mentioned friends, I just want to say I am still very much in touch with SPIDER! Sure my old readers remember him. He has had a rough road these past two years…many ups and downs, emotionally and physically. But he is doing fine and hanging in there. We talk almost daily, sometimes twice. He is and will always be my dearest of friends. How can one let go of someone that was part of me for so long.

And really the last thing which many of my earliest readers may be wondering about…work. I started that business with my school mate finally back in June 2008. Obviously our year anniversary is fast approaching. We have experienced some pains, economically, professionally, etc. but we are moving along with the excitement that was there a year ago. We are in the midst of a design house and our space turned out exceptional I believe. We’ve gotten great feedback from previews and vendors. Now we just need to hope the public reacts and maybe comes to see us for business. I wish I could share my website with you but I am not ready for there to be a connection with this site. This one has been a very personal site and my work will remain professional. Perhaps one day I will simply shut off portions of this blog and maybe pick up writing about my work…one never knows.

SO THERE YOU HAVE THE LATEST AND GREATEST!

I wonder how many people will even see this post that were from my original readership. The blogging world can be a fickle one when someone doesn’t post or manage to bring readership to other linked blogs!

HUGS!

Yes…I’m still alive. Work at the commercial design firm is keeping busy and slowly I’m stepping into this new residential design firm partnership. But I won’t deny the team is still ‘feeling’ its way and may be up against some hurdles already. I have faith we’ll work through those issues.

In any event, I’d like to start this post off with the following questions.

Do you believe that in a successful, long-term gay relationship that there will most likely come a time that one or both of the parties in the partnership will have to sacrifice some component to keep the relationship alive? (Do not confuse sacrifice with compromise as there is a difference.)

Do you feel that in entering a committed long-term gay relationship that there should be: 1) a combining of financial resources as in a heterosexual relationship [let’s set aside the prenuptial issue], 2) a holding onto to ones own financial worth but with a 50/50 split of expenses, or 3) a holding onto ones own financial worth but with expenses split according to ones ability to contribute in the relationship [i.e. one partner having a well-paying job verses the other partner who may be just getting ‘ends meat?’]?

I found myself chatting with a friend on the phone last night about these very topics. I generally don’t get into discussions like this except with those I may have an interest in seeing a relationship develop. I will state this up front…these are my opinions and I am well aware that people may or may not agree with them and/or only agree with parts of my thought-process.

As for the first question, I tend to think that it is a rarity that any person, heterosexual or homosexual, enters into a relationship free of any potential element of sacrifice. Perhaps I should first start by saying that a compromise generally involves concessions by both sides. A sacrifice, often is when a person gives up an element of their life for the betterment of the relationship as a whole. The sacrifice may or may not be known to the other party. And in essence, the party making the sacrifice makes a commitment not to use this means against the other party if the ‘road becomes rocky.’ The sacrifice is given FREELY. Returning to the question at hand, I believe that each partner will ultimately concede to some sacrifice in a relationship. Individuals moving to another state to be with a partner, leaving behind family which has been important in their lives to that point. Individuals redirecting their careers to be with another. The list goes on. I will share this…I so often see a superficiality by some gay individuals on these commitments. They say one thing, perhaps take action, but never get past the short-term. They revert back to thinking of themselves, being selfish.

Then there is my second question pertaining to finances in a gay relationship. I, personally, tend to be old-fashion. Sorry…just being me! I think that if you take the time to really get to know your potential partner (and yes, it may require controlling the initial sexual component of your relationship) and observe the situations you are in with him or her, you obtain a clearer picture of the person. Is it full-proof…hell no! But you sure can reduce your liabilities to some degree.

With some luck and knowing that there are a multitude of components that make for a successful relationship, you’re ready to step into a long-term partnership. When that happens, I would hope that the finance pots would become one. But I am not naive either. My more realistic side would say that one should enter the relationship with the expectation of developing there own personal financial portfolio and contributing to expenses based on their capability to contribute. It could be a percentage of ones income to the gross income or it might be contributing what you were paying out on expenses while living single.

I hope this all makes sense. I could probably go on further with this discussion but I need to get myself working. After all, I do have bills to pay 😉 and men to swoon in attempts to find Mr Right. LMAO!

Have a great week.