Hard to believe this but I am one month shy of it being two years since I wrote my last Tuesday “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?” post.  Man-o-man, where does time go?  But I felt like taking the step one more time into my blogging past…to see what shit I could stir up since I hear my friend, Mr. Cajun, is still managing to do so over at his blog.  Seems he has some troll perusing through the loins hollows of his hall.  LOL!

So without further suspense (drum roll), my question today is:

How do you like to be ‘man’ handled by your hubby or boyfriend after a long tiring day (set the scene: you are both comfy in bed sans clothing of any sort) …

  • DOOR #1 – lying on your stomach, your man hovering over you, massaging those tired shoulders, that aching back, those tight ‘cheeks?’
  • DOOR #2 – laying on your side, his fingers running softly down your arm, onto your side, along you hip…then his hands cupping your ‘cheeks’ and sliding through the ol’ valley?
  • DOOR #3 – your man cupping against you, kissing your earlobe – breathing heavily into it, cuddling, his hand sliding slowly over your hip, gently clenching and softly tugging at your ‘package?’

OK…I am having hot flashes this very moment. Why is my darn man on the other side of the U.S. continent when I need him!!  Heck, they all work for me – oh if you only new.  But alas if I can only pick one,  I’ll take DOOR #2.  Nothing like soft caressing  and a nice hand on the arse to get me unwound!  While you are at that hun, can you just roll me over onto my tummy and finish out that back massage too.  LOL!

Time to share…spill them beans friends!  And if you are so inclined, share a bit as to why  you chose it <eg>.

You know… I haven’t ever really done much to promote my passion – design - on here.  So while I am feeling the need to write a bit in my blog, I thought I would throw this question out to you:

  • What is your favorite color (or two)?
  • Why is that color your favorite or what does it evoke in you?
  • Lastly, do you have that/those color(s) somewhere in your home and where?

Color so often creates a mood…energy, tranquility, restfulness, cheerfulness…and so much more.  And the spectrum of color is nearly infinite!  If I were to identify my favorite color(s) at this moment, I’d have to say any form of gray, with daubs of blue and brown thrown in.  To me gray has so many possibilities and creates this incredible background for art, for enhancing pops of color elsewhere in the space whether in fabrics or accessories.  Many people think of it as a cold color but it’s all in the manner that you dress it up…add elements like wood, and carpet and gray become a very cozy restful color.

For me gray stimulates my mind on the infinite directions I can go with it to create an environment that suits my needs.  As for having the color of gray and the accents of blue and brown in my current space, that’s a negative.  When you rent a room, you don’t always have that luxury.  But I am working on it.  I did incorporate gray in my sister’s bathroom remodel, along with black whites, and minimal pops of gold and red…some through marble, porcelain tile, paint, and accessories.

So…take a look at those questions above again, and tell me your thoughts. Hugs!

I find myself asking, “Why am I bothering to even make this entry?”  The whole blogging element seems like a lifetime ago.  And some of the friends that I met here in Blogland and in person seem to be fading away.  Phone calls and emails go unanswered.  The occasional post on my blog seems to draw minimal readers, most likely because people have pulled my blog from their blogrolls.  I guess it’s understandable.  But to me, good friends stay in touch continually, and they remain loyal, even to the extent that they retain one on their roll.  Guess to me, it’s just common courtesy…not an issue of popularity or ‘having to clean house” on the blogroll.

In any event, I see my last posting was back in June of this summer.  Hard to believe that Summer 2009 is over and that I’ve managed to walk through the first day of Fall.  Time rages by faster these days.  It was an interesting summer indeed…probably one that I would classify as a major ROLLER COASTER RIDE.

First there has been that on-going downward plunge with the economy which has simply kept business flat for me.  My business partner and I find ourselves having to supplement our business income with our own personal income, but we are trying to weather the storm and slip into 2010 with hopes that signs will show improvement in the first quarter.  But I do find myself having to do a reassessment of the business come late November, early December.  I am praying that we don’t have to fold.  At this juncture, I have no idea where I will go next with respect to work should we have to close our interior design business.

In any event, I believe I mentioned the rollercoaster ride took a jolt back in June when I sprained my left ankle severely.  I ended up with some swelling complications that had me limited in activity for nearly 10 weeks. At one point I was even tested for blood clotting.  I was experiencing sudden pain and tenderness in my left calf about 4 weeks after the sprain.  Of course, all the flying mixed with the swelling, sent bells and whistles off for the doctors.  Fortunately, my test results were negative for any clotting.

I also think I mentioned that I had a Hawaiian vacation scheduled at that time.  All fun of course.  I came back from Hawaii, the ankle improving at that time.  About four weeks later my ride was on a fun upswing.  I was off to Rehoboth Beach to meet up with the boyfriend (mind you it’s dating but a bit more beyond that).  I couldn’t have asked for better weather…not a lick of humidity, just good ‘ol hot weather.  The only sad thing was that all the ‘bears’ were up in Provincetown for Bear Week.  Ah the things we give up for love.  LMAO!!  Let’s just say my time was WELL SPENT with the BF.  ;-)  We still had plenty of eye-candy to behold, bears included.  Evenings always started with at least drinks downtown at the Aqua or other nearby bars, even if dinner was at home.  You know…we had to get those flirtatious moments in!  While the rollercoaster kept chugging along, it did hit a slight dip again.  My left ankle started to swell again and bruise slightly, mind you some six weeks after the initial accident.  Of course that led me to see the orthopod when I got home and to the subsequent clotting test that I referenced earlier.

Two weeks out, about the first week of August by this time, the rollercoaster ride is back on the upswing.  I headed off to Lake Tahoe for a week with family, our annual family get-together that I have written about here in my blog on occasion.  It started out being a blast.  I was taking in little nieces and nephews that I hadn’t seen in months!!!  Just the thought of all their smiles and the “Uncle Tony” ‘s that they laid on me.  They sent my spirits soaring.  And of course, we hit an all-time record with the number of family, cousins, second cousins, etc., that were present on the vacation and at joint dinners…seventy-five (75)!!!!!  You should have seen the beach.  We literally took up one third of the beach with seven cabana tents, beach chairs, floaties, bodies, etc.  People didn’t know what to make of us.  However, with summer starting to wrap up, there was another downhill run on the rollercoaster ride.  Yes, another injury.  About Thursday of my Tahoe-week trip, I was simply sitting in bed, went to stand, and instantly dropped to the floor with stabbing back pain.  I tried to stand.  No luck…dropped to the floor again.  Tried to sit, and had to collapse into a reclining position.  Even laying on my back was painful.  I ended up spending two days on the floor, literally.  Couldn’t get up into the bed and any attempt to lift me, sent me into excruciating pain.  I even had to crawl to the restroom. I won’t elaborate here anymore.  Don’t know how I did it but managed to pull myself together by Sunday to make the 9 hour drive home to Southern California (by the way, the Ibuprofen and the Vicodin that I managed to get – did nothing to alleviate the pain).  I did ok with the drive but paid for it the next morning in major stiffness and mild pain.  It kept me away from returning to work for two more days.

My back improved by the following weekend…just in time for moving my major pieces to my new living quarters.  I somehow managed to pack everything that needed it, and then on that Sunday, went to move.  Guess what happened…I reinjured my back.  And it was really hurting.  I had to be out of the apartment on Thursday, 8/20. I was completing my move on Wednesday…let’s say I don’t know how I pulled it off.  PAIN, PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!!!

So as I finish my summer I am no longer in south Orange County  but rather in north Orange County out in the eastern quadrant, and oh, about 10-15 minutes from that magical place called Disneyland!  LOL  I am now renting a room from a gay couple.  The room is bigger than my “cell” at the apartment and I have 3800 square feet of house to roam rather than 700 square feet of a 900 square foot apartment.  I have access to a private pool rather than an apartment complex’s pool.  SCORE!!  And lastly, with the owners being gay, I have a bit more freedom to have guests over without feeling awkward like I was in my former ‘straight’ apartment environment.  For those that didn’t know, my former room mates were a straight married couple.  I have to say though, I miss them terribly.  They were easy to get along with, even thought they had no clue I was gay (or at least they never asked…LOL).

Phewwwww!  Now you are all caught up.  I sure hope Fall is better.  And I hope those of you who read this, friends included, are all doing well. Hugs!

Well I suppose that this post will probably appeal most to those with foot fetishes, at least from the perspective of the photos.  <CHUCKLE> The last three weeks have been rather adventurous – some of it good and some of it bad.

Let’s start with the ‘big’ bad news.  About three weekends ago I was up in the SF Bay Area helping my little sister and brother-in-law with arranging some existing furniture and accessories in there recently-finished new house.  It was Sunday and nearly time for them to take me out for dinner and then off to the airport.  I was outside with my niece and nephew waiting for the sis and hubby to come out with ‘junior,’ the littlest of the three kids.  While waiting, I said to my nephew, “I’ll race you down the drive way on the RAZOR (one of those sleek steel scooters with the racing skate wheels).”  Naturally this particular RAZOR was smaller in length than others I had ridden so I had to do a one-foot balance on it. I went zipping down the slope of the driveway side-by-side with my nephew.  As I hit the dip in the driveway, where the gutter meets the street, you might say that the RAZOR did an unexpected ‘wheelie.’  I felt myself initially falling back and all I could think of was cracking my skull open against the pavement.  So I lurched my body forward.   The RAZOR came out from underneath my footing, and as I came down to try to catch my footing, I landed on the outside edge of my left foot, causing it to buckle under with all my body weight.

YIKES!!!!  IMG_0113Did it heart like hell.  I went hobbling up to the Chevy Surburban and opened the door so I could gain a ledge to sit down on.  Guess what my ankle looked like?  I literally had a bump the size of a lemon on the outside ankle bone!!  And the foot was almost instantly swelling up like a balloon.  Over the course of the week, the foot remained swollen but seemed under control.  Amazingly, for the first five days I felt almost no pain and could weight-bare without any problem.

Move-up to Friday….  I am dealing with all this knowing that in another day I was heading off to KAUAI for eight glorious days – the good news in this article.  LOL!  I had been waiting for this for months and there was nothing that was going to prevent me from taking the trip.  However, for the first time in five days, my foot and ankle were increasingly starting to throb and hurt.  I had myself all packed and had gone over to my sister’s house to spend the night – she was driving me and my nephew to the L.A. airport the next morning to catch our flight.  Well this particular sis and her mother-in-law, who happened to be over at her house, saw my foot and said, “Have you been to see the doctor yet?”  “No,” was my response.  My foot at this time was hideous.  Every inch of my left foot, and ankle up to about 1/3 of my calf was BLACK.  I looked like some diseased creature.  LOL!  With their coercing, I went off to the doctors – spent two hours in urgent care but the doctor informed me that I had no broken bones, just a moderate-to-moderate severe sprain. Of course he made his recommendations, knowing full well where I was off to the next day.

Saturday came and I was off to Kauai!  IMG_0114Let’s say that four the next four days I was in utter misery, even as I laid by the poolside taking in the Hawaiian sun.  My foot was HUGE!!  The flight over had sent the swelling to the moon and the humidity did not help either, even with icing and foot elevation.  But alas Wednesday came and for the first time the majority of the pain was gone and man did I take in the sun and the pool.  I actually found that swimming (no kicking) was the best anecdote for relief of pain.  Got myself out the following day to snorkel over on the north side of Kauai, past Hanalei Bay.  I had to walk the beach to get to our destination – and I did it!!  My point here was that I ultimately had a blast on the island, spending time with my two brothers, my 18-year old nephew, and my sister, her husband, and their three children.  I so did not want to leave last Saturday evening (6/20/09)!

And so what did I come back to this past week?  A bunch of chaos and some bad news.  Some of the news pertained to finances in the business – essentially having to fork out additional money for repairs on the earlier design house space I had done (see at the end of the show, the room has to be put back to near original state).  And some of the other marvelous news <sarcasm> had to deal with personal life issues.  Let me say, the gay community really consists of a lot of prima donnas and guys that just are not ‘adult’ men.  Sorry if that offends anyone, but it flat out is the truth!

So there you have it, my past three weeks.  Are all you guys with foot fetishes just drooling over those feet of mine.  LMAO!!  And you aren’t even seeing the left foot in its worst state!

Well everyone…

Since technically I am an interior designer, I thought that perhaps it was about time to TALK DESIGN!

Have you ever experienced your taste in style change and evolve? I have. Funny. I used to be so ultra traditional in my design tastes but I’ve crossed the threshold. And I don’t think I am turning back. I find myself developing a tremendous love for transitional and refined contemporary styles. I love linear and curvilinear elements, but simplified and casually sophisticated. I feel more comfortable with furniture pieces that have lower profiles to create visual openness. But I also look for pieces that show ingenious functionality…a sofa with a low back profile that can be converted to a high back for TV viewing through a simple pull-up mechanism, a sliding storage door constructed to be a piece of art. I could go on.

Mind you, as a designer I will always relish the old. Traditional styles and styles of the past (period trends) are the platforms from which new design evolves. And what is even better in a space is causing a bit of angst, a bit of juxtaposition. Splashing a bit of ultra traditional with contemporary styling and vice verse.

Color is yet another element of design that speaks of an individual’s character and personality. I know I used to think that to be contemporary one had to use bold color. However, that’s not true. Contemporary is often finding a saturated color (the truest and most intense form of a color ) and then finding a grayed down version of it. This often is enough to satisfy the most traditional of people when a designer is pushing a client in a new and uncharted direction that they are uncomfortable with.

So with all this said, I find myself again moving in a contemporary-style direction. I have found that a palette of saturated blues, blue-greens, mixed with earthy browns, tans, and grays is what I aspire to have in my own space when I finally have my own living quarters again. Blend in the coolness of metallic and glass-like finishes with the warmth of natural wood elements and plants. Well that is what I will call HOME!

Now I have to know…what do you all think? What colors and style do you call ‘your own?’ Do share.

I thought I’d not touch this blog ever again but somehow I felt compelled to open it up tonight and that was just enough. I couldn’t resist making an entry.

I couldn’t even imagine where to begin. So much has evolved since summer 2008 passed. Of course you all knew about my breakup with Mr. Chicago. I hurt and ached for a couple of months but I learned and grew from that experience. I compromised on so many elements. Mr. Chicago and I are still good friends and communicate once a week. He’ll always be a part of what was special in my life. I was able to tell him that some three weeks after broke things off with me. Sometimes TIMING, amongst other issues, simply doesn’t img_00711cooperate in two individual’s lives as was the case for us. In any event, Bear411 has been a good matchmaker for me for meeting and making new friends. And some have turned out to be dates, and two in particular, boyfriends. The latest is Mr. Maryland. He makes me melt in so many ways. He’s a gentle soul, a gentleman, full of faith as I am (that’s Catholic faith boys!!), handsome as all hell, a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh. And boy does his know how to talk “PIGGY” just at the right time! GRRRR! The distance never helps but we are taking it slowly and seeing how things play out. I was out to see him at the New Year and am going back out to catch up with him at Rehoboth Beach in July.

Funny how life throws us unique curveballs. See, if any of you started reading me back in 2006, you know one of my first articles talked about a guy online that hurt me incredibly when all I was looking for a means of making a gay friend. Well turns out that guy is the best friend of Mr. Maryland! Have I shared that with Mr. Maryland? Hell yes…I have nothing to hide. They happen to still be friends but as with all friendships where people move further away geographically, that relationship seems to be strained. Again, funny how things can come full circle.

As for the gay me…my journey continues. But oh how far I have come. About two months ago I said ‘f*ck it’ and told my business partner that I was gay. What response did I in essence get from her? “Tony, I already knew…in fact Tony, several people already know. We were all waiting for your to say something.” LOL Go figure. So know I am out to most people here in southern California where I live. As for family, that remains the one touchy area for me but I am close, close to wanting to say something to my mother (who already asked me two years ago if I thought I was gay – I just wasn’t ready to say yes but responded with a “I wonder sometimes.”) and to one of my sisters who I am really close with. We’ll see. I’d like to have accomplished that well in advance of my 5oth which is in April 2010. I want to be able to celebrate it with both family and FRIENDS, regardless of gay or straight.

While I have mentioned friends, I just want to say I am still very much in touch with SPIDER! Sure my old readers remember him. He has had a rough road these past two years…many ups and downs, emotionally and physically. But he is doing fine and hanging in there. We talk almost daily, sometimes twice. He is and will always be my dearest of friends. How can one let go of someone that was part of me for so long.

And really the last thing which many of my earliest readers may be wondering about…work. I started that business with my school mate finally back in June 2008. Obviously our year anniversary is fast approaching. We have experienced some pains, economically, professionally, etc. but we are moving along with the excitement that was there a year ago. We are in the midst of a design house and our space turned out exceptional I believe. We’ve gotten great feedback from previews and vendors. Now we just need to hope the public reacts and maybe comes to see us for business. I wish I could share my website with you but I am not ready for there to be a connection with this site. This one has been a very personal site and my work will remain professional. Perhaps one day I will simply shut off portions of this blog and maybe pick up writing about my work…one never knows.

SO THERE YOU HAVE THE LATEST AND GREATEST!

I wonder how many people will even see this post that were from my original readership. The blogging world can be a fickle one when someone doesn’t post or manage to bring readership to other linked blogs!

HUGS!

Forewarning: This post is a means for me to let go of some feelings and hurt. It is not intended to ‘attack’ the person described in it.

This past Wednesday night I returned from a business-pleasure trip to Chicago…a week’s worth. I stayed with a close friend. The business portion of my trip was mediocre at best. I did establish some resource information and contacts for my interior design business. What was lacking though in this arena was a VARIETY of buyer resources at the Merchandise Mart. Many of the resources in the building were already located out here on the West Coast. I had hope to find a good collection of accessory sources there but instead all I meandered through were miles of gift and trinket shops. Now if I could only find a means of being a pivot source to pull all the higher end accessory producers together…I’d have a nice hefty income. LOL!

As for the pleasure portion of my trip… it ‘kinda’ went south and made for an exceptionally agonizing final 36 hours. See that close friend I mentioned earlier… I had been seeing him for the past 15 months, just hoping our budding friendship would evolve further into a strong BF relationship. And going from there! BUT the relationship portion came to an adrupt end Tuesday at lunch. I was scheduled to leave his place/Chicago this past Wednesday night.

In some ways I had expected to this to come about. As I got to know him, I saw some things in him that bothered me. But for what ever reason, I chose to look the other way, hoping those things would change. I compromised too much and looked the other way too long. And well…he caught me off guard. The relationship possibilities are over. He told me that he thought we had a very good friendship and wanted to retain it. He simply felt we did not have enough in common on certain key issues – family, religion, and politics. Lets just say that when he uttered those words, the ‘wind was taken from my sails.’ I could say nothing for almost fifteen minutes. Then he said,, “Well I guess you aren’t going to say anything, ” as if we were suppose to be having a normal conversation. All I managed to say was, “What more can I say. If your feelings are what they are, I can’t change that. Yes I have cared for you and hoped something would come of all this (dating time).” That was everything I managed to get out. Then I went almost silent on him for the rest of the trip. It was the bizarrest feeling. Perhaps some guys would have lashed out, but I simply could say nothing.

A portion of me had fallen for him a long time ago. So knowing it was over hurt like hell. Hearing he still wanted to be friends was no consolation. Especially since with him I some how think the friendship will fade away, not for my lack of trying to retain it but his. See my idea of friendship is staying in contact on a fairly routine basis and knowing that he will make as much effort to call me impromptu as I would him.  I view visiting a friend in the same manner.  The whole time I saw him over the past 15 months,  I flew out to visit him 7 times which cost-wise added up quickly.  He made one trip.  Perhaps that should have been my signal to part, at least with respect to the relationship, even though he never had expressed a disinterest in me.

Hard dealing with the loss of a relationship of intimacy.  Well that’s enough!  It’s over with.  As much as I feel ripped apart and exposed, I need to move forward.  I know now that if someone is going to love me, they are going to need to be “accepting” of the family and faith that are part of my life.  I make no mention of politics because, in my humble opinion, the moral component that evolves from those two elements is what in part dictates politics.

I am at a place now, trying to figure out where the next short chapter of my life is going.  I just have come to one major realization (for me)…the gay world is just like any other world.  Though there are inequities, it is no different than what has existed throughout history. For all that our society chooses to blame government, churches, etc., it really gets down to the INDIVIDUAL and his or her ability to see beyond HIS OR HER WORLD.  When we get to that state, I think the world will be filled with much peace, compassion, and more importantly LOVE.

I know, I know…I went a little off tangent on the last two paragraphs but you will have to trust me that there is a distinct tie between the two items discussed.  I need to spare placing all the blame on the man I was falling for.  LOL!

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